So I am sure you are all sick of me talking about May the Month of Lingerie, probably because a) It isn’t May anymore and b) this will be my 6th post on the topic! I already talked about body confidence in my previous post and this one has similar themes, but I want to talk about my experiences doing it this year vs last year.
It may not be very noticeable but I have gained weight and inches, and a lot of that is centered around my hips. I am by no means calling myself fat though, I’m just more squishable than I used to be. When I took part in 2014 I was set on making sure I looked like I had a flat stomach, which I most definitely do not. It felt more like I was trying to make myself look good and thin than trying to show off my lingerie collection.
I also edited my photos a whole lot more in 2014. I wanted my stomach to look flat so I would blur out any shadows on my stomach. I would also just use the blur tool over my entire leg, I have many scars and stretch marks on my legs. I just wanted to make myself look ‘perfect’ (I very much do not agree with 2014 me’s ‘perfection’ ideals). ‘Perfect’ to me was trying to be a skinny white girl just like the ones in magazines and on tumblr! Hah, now I am very much aware that everyone is goddamn perfect in every colour, in every body shape, in every body size and in every(or no) gender.
This year I did edit out my more major stretch marks because I just didn’t really feel comfortable showing them off in public. But whatever, I am fine to show off pictures of them here on my blog because if I keep hiding them, and everyone else keeps hiding them then we don’t normalise it. Also everyone has stretch marks, even the dudes, and that’s cool too.
But here’s some unedited stretch marked booty for y’all –
Also I had half blue hair at the time, which may not seem like a huge difference but I would feel bad when the colour was fading or when regrowth was showing through. And being a student it becomes really hard to afford hair maintenance.
And I know how to pose better now. I’ve done a few photoshoots and I’ve looked at so many pictures of poses that I am a lot more comfortable in what I am doing and how I am holding myself.
There has also been a big change in my mental state. In May of 2014 I had not long dropped out of a makeup artistry course and I was suffering from depression, like really suffering. I wasn’t happy so I didn’t feel so comfortable in my lingerie. I didn’t wear makeup a lot of days so I felt bad trying to hide or crop out my face from my pictures. As I said before I was just wanting to make myself look good, I cared so much less about the lingerie.
Note: I still don’t show myself online without makeup on, and I rarely go out of the house like that. It’s not that I hate myself without makeup on, but it doesn’t feel like my face. It’s the same when people start wearing makeup and you just feel totally self conscious because ‘OMG what if people notice I am wearing mascara’ or ‘what if someone points out I’m wearing lipstick’. But for me it’s the reverse, I’m so used to my makeup and how I look with my drawn on eyebrows and black winged eyeliner that I’m not familiar with myself without makeup.
This year my significant other took a lot of my photos. Last year I let them take one on the final day, but I just felt so awkward being in my underwear around them. I thought they would examine me, realise all of my flaws and then point them out to me. But this year I was more than happy to have unflattering photos taken of me and to pull silly faces at the camera.
I have literally hundreds of pictures of me being silly, like actually, there were 969 May the Month of Lingerie photos taken. I am a lot happier now which has made a huge difference in my photos. I smile and I laugh even when I’m alone and photographing myself. I didn’t need a perfect pose that would make me look my thinnest because I just wanted to have fun, take some photos, and share my lingerie with the world!
I found that both times I took part in May the Month of Lingerie it made me feel more confident. I mean you take 31 pictures of yourself in your underwear and you edit them and post them online. Of course you notice the flaws, but you notice things like ‘hey, that’s a nice pose’ or ‘I like the shape my legs make in that photo’. I honestly say that everyone should take part next year! You don’t even have to take a picture of yourself in the lingerie but I would encourage you to. If you aren’t hugely confident then make sure you give yourself a compliment every day you do photograph yourself!
The May the Month of Lingerie community is amazing and I need to give a HUUUGE thanks to the lovely Lady Bellentina who started this all up and has been a huge inspiration. She’s also on instagram @Bellentina and I recommend looking through the #Maythemonthoflingerie to see what other girls were up to.
I shall leave you with some comparison photos –
Using the shadows from my blinds.
Not fun vs Fun